It happens to all of us. 

That creeping feeling, that insidious critic, that screaming voice:  maybe I’m not good enough to pull this off. 

Imposter syndrome shows up differently for all of us, but it always shows up.  It’s a product of our survival brains trying to keep us safe.  When a hint of danger appears, the fear and doubt fire up.  They might make you want to run.  

It might be impossible to overcome the neurobiology of self-preservation.  Yeah, probably so. 

But there are plenty of ways to battle back the imposter syndrome so it doesn’t stop you from achieving the success you deserve. 

Expect it

Expect the moment.  Don’t try to suppress it or feel disappointed that it’s there. Acknowledge the fear.  “Oh hi, there you are.  I was expecting you to show up when things got hard. Thanks for trying to protect me.  I’m good though.” Walk forward together instead of pretending the fear doesn’t exist.

Define success for yourself

Define success for this season/project/role. Don’t be passive and allow external expectations (or your manager) to decide for you. Decide for yourself. Success for you in this season might be learning as much as possible, developing a key relationship, honing a skill, or trying something new. You might ask yourself, “What do I want to get out of this?”  “In 3 months, how will I know I’ve been successful?”  “What will I be celebrating this time next year?” That way, when you feel like you’re failing, you can check in to see how you’re really measuring up against what matters. Maybe you made a mistake, or the presentation didn’t go that well, but if your goal was to try something new, then my friend you did it.

Rewrite your negative thoughts

The underlying fears behind imposter syndrome are usually accompanied by a negative talk track. Most of us have some long-standing negative stories about ourselves that get played on a loop. To step into a new way of thinking about yourself, it takes a bit of practice. Practice the thoughts as they are true - I do this in phases rather than straight to the end result so it’s more persuasive for my brain. Try this format, writing the same objective after each prompt:

I want to…

I am learning to…

I will…

I am…

Here’s an example:

I want to add value as a respected member of the team.

I am learning to add value as a respected member of the team.

I will add value as a respected member of the team.

I am adding value as a respected member of the team.

Practice this for all of the thoughts you want to have about yourself to counteract imposter syndrome.

Own your value

Notice the value you bring to a task, meeting, or situation.  Get comfortable with your natural strengths. Early in my legal career, I couldn’t do a whole lot in terms of hard legal skills.  But I COULD make a client feel comfortable, listened to, and prepared.  In the end, the partner was very happy with my performance because the client showed up on time (because I gave them good directions), the witness performed better in the deposition (because I made them comfortable in the room), and we provided an immediate and detailed depo summary to the client (because I was listening and taking notes).  Use what you have to make a difference.

Talk about it  

Oh, and don’t forget to talk about it!!!  When you find that value, be sure to talk about it. Ask for opportunities you want.  Here’s how that sounds, 

“Thanks for the opportunity to help prepare the witness.  I’m proud that I was able to make them feel comfortable and perform well.” 

“I’m glad I was able to help the client prepare and relax.  I think they performed very well.  Is there another witness I can help with in this case?  Next time, may I assist with the depo outline?”

Practice the words, the posture, the tone of voice.  Practice so you can deliver it more easily in the moment. 

Accept a compliment

Accept a compliment when it arrives. Practice that, too. My friend Neha Sampat of Belong Labs teaches this beautifully. Script it out if you need to. No deflecting, no self-derogation, no dismissal.  When your boss says “nice job on that project,” say, “Thank you.  I worked hard, and I’m glad I was able to add value.”  When you friend says, you really helped me out, say, “Thank you.  That means a lot to me.”  When your neighbor says your house looks lovely, say, “Thank you.  I really appreciate that.”  Your body will respond when you accept graciously, and it’s kinder to the other person, too.

Balance confidence and growth  

I work a lot with clients on building confidence. Women lawyers are brilliant, productive, amazing women, and we should celebrate ourselves. We’re also still learning. It’s important to understand the balance between owning our value (brag!) and having a growth mindset (still learning and staying humble!). Lots of leaders talk about one or the other, but not both, and when we can get comfortable with both, that’s when we show up as our whole selves and really thrive.

This sounds like: 

“I’m awesome at networking AND I’m still learning about sales.”

“I excelled in my law school class AND I’m still learning how to take a deposition.”

“I’m a great writer AND I’m still learning how to speak to a new audience.” 

You got this! The truth is, you’re doing an amazing job. You get to decide what your next win looks like and hit out of the park. And those pesky moments of imposter syndrome having nothing on you.

If you’d like to read more on this topic, here are a few books I recommend:

Brag Better by Meredith Fineman

The Confidence Code by Claire Shipman and Katty Kay

Presence by Amy Cuddy

Think Again by Adam Grant