On working happier
I’m working on a teaching module on working happier, but I can’t wait another minute to share this goodness with you. It will change the way you show up professionally, right now, with a huge impact on your happiness.
The problem
Are you feeling overwhelmed, lost, out of place, not seeing yourself in the role models around you? Are you constantly trying to please someone else? Emulate their style? Does it feel like work to suppress yourself at work? Are you always saying yes and not even sure why? Are you holding back?
I used to say I was using about 20% of my personality at the law firm. For sure, I was using it well. But I was holding back the other 80%. And over time that made me feel deeply unhappy and unfulfilled.
Monumental change is possible by degree. You don’t have to quit your job and move to Fiji. You can make small changes. You can show up differently. Confidently add value. Set boundaries and stick to them. Stay true to yourself. And if you want to move to Fiji, you’ll be ready.
How do you start working happier by degree?
You need a compass, tools, a map.
Uncover your values
Your core values are a compass. Showing up as yourself starts with knowing your core values. What you care most about. With practice, your clarity on values will help you make decisions almost effortlessly. If you’ve never spent time thinking about values, consider them now. You can use online tools like the value card sort, or just jot down some notes about what you care about most in life. For a deeper dive you can work with friends or a coach to define them honestly and precisely.
With a list of values in hand, you can spend time with these prompts to visualize how they take shape in your life:
I am a person who values…
I feel rewarded at work by…
My preferred work style is…
My communication style is…
What lights me up is… I want to do more of…
A perfect day for me would look like…
Don’t worry if it feels like you are repeating yourself. You’re honing in on what matters most to you.
Name your strengths
Next, know your tools for the journey. Name your strengths. Again, you can use online tools, such as the VIA Strengths Finder, or ask a couple of trusted friends or colleague for honest feedback. Knowing your strengths will help you build confidence in how you add value in your work. With this knowledge, you can be assured in answering questions about your contributions:
Why me? Why am I on this case/matter? What do I bring to the table? Why was I chosen OR what can I offer? Why should a client want me on this?
My core strengths are: ________. ________, _________
People want to work with me because… Clients want to hire me because…
I’m an expert at…. I’m a beginner at…
Over time, knowing how you add value can help you feel sufficient, independent, and less anxious or dependent on external factors.
Own your mindset
It’s natural when you are exploring strengths to start thinking about your weaknesses. We can be incredibly critical of ourselves. But often what we perceive a weakness is really just a complement to our strengths. You can’t have one without the other. It’s good to have awareness of our tendencies, but don’t get obsessed trying to fix or neutralize them.
Instead, own your mindset. Focus on growth. Lean in to your strengths. Stay positive, stay humble, and stay forward-looking. Think grow, learn, expand. With a growth mindset, you can remind yourself:
I am a person who values… and whose strengths are…
My professional goals are…
I am learning to be better at…
I am expanding.
Winning is not the goal. The point of the game is self-actualization: simply to be yourself, to live more fully, to use your strengths in alignment with your values. Getting better is the goal. Staying in the game. As you play, you hold space for others to do the same, in an ever-expanding game of self-actualization and community.
Set boundaries
To keep all this good going, you have to set yourself up for success. There will be bumps. There will be conflict. Set boundaries proactively and be prepared for setbacks. Consider small ways you can start to use your voice and your strengths more, ask for what you want, and hold space to live more fully. Often this looks like tactical strategies to protect your time and energy:
blocking time on calendars,
setting expectations and limits on availability,
limiting our use of phone and tech for work in off-hours, and
finding ways to say “no” in an acceptable and effective way.
At first, setting even small boundaries can feel scary. Really scary. Boundaries can challenge a lifetime of people-pleasing and a powerful professional culture of more-more-more and yes-yes-yes. But as Greg McKeown explores in the book Essentialism, we can’t do it all and do it well. Selecting the best uses of our time and energy, in alignment with our values and strengths, and in balance with the other needs and demands in our life, means we will be more effective. In other words, we do much more when we do what is most important. Boundaries are the guardrails to keep you on the right path. You can also work with a coach to build a personal resiliency toolkit, to help you reenergize and restore when you feel stuck or discouraged.
Build a personal brand
All of this work will help you define a personal brand, which is the key to finding more success and fulfillment in your career long-term. This process can change the way you see yourself and how others see you. There are some key steps to get started.
You might ask yourself, What do I want to be known for?
Who do I want to serve? What’s my expertise? What’s my professional niche?
Make a list of activities and experiences at work where you felt most like yourself. Not necessarily comfort zone, but confident and engaged and using your strengths. Look for ways to do more of those things.
Keep a “wins” file. Celebrate victories that align to your values. Spotlight for others the successes that reinforce your personal brand. (You can downplay work that doesn’t.)
Develop a strategy to communicate and add value to the audience you’d like to influence. This can include prospective clients, but also colleagues, partners, classmates, and your wider community. Who is your audience? Where do they hang out? What type of content do they consume?
Remember that you have everything you need, and you are in control of your path. Uncover your values, name your strengths, own your mindset, and set boundaries. You’re plotting a course to work happier. You can adjust and course-correct as you go.
I’m cheering for you!