Let’s talk about help
Every woman I know is telling me she needs more help right now. But we’re not good at asking for it, and we’re even worse at accepting it. Right now, it can even feel confusing about where to find it.
I often tell my clients it’s hard to reach success when we can’t picture it.
So what does success look like when it comes to accepting help?
Let’s paint a picture. On social media, I invited you to share all the ways you accept help from services, neighbors, familiy, friends, and others on a regular basis to make your life easier. To allow you to focus on what matters. To be a badass at work. To take care of yourself. To give you some breathing room in the day.
There are so many ways that we can accept help when we realize that it’s not an imposition on people. It can feel awful for high-achievers — needy, imposing, vulnerable, even embarassing. But other people WANT to help us. Services exist and pay their employees to help us. Our family feels assured and important when we allow them to participate in our lives. Our friends feel grateful and connected when we let them contribute.
But how do we actually say “yes” when we often have an existing, automatic script that says “No, I’m fine,” “I got it,” or “We’re good,” even if that’s not true?
Practice accepting help when it’s offered.
Accepting help looks like this:
Your friend asks, “Do you need anything?” And you say, “Yes! Would you please pick up some extra on your next trip to Costco?”
Your MIL asks, “Could we take the kids for a night this weekend?” And you say, “Yes!” (even when you know they’ll watch TV and eat ice cream and stay up late)
Your neighbor asks, “You guys doing alright?” And you say, “We could really use a hand this weekend if you wouldn’t mind. Our lawnmower is broken. Do you know anyone in the neighborhood who could cut the grass for us? Or could we borrow your lawnmower?”
A co-worker asks, “How can I help with that project?” And you say, “Thanks for offering! I’ll be focusing on the analysis, but I still need help with the benchmarking exercise. Would you take a look at a few peer organizations next week and let me know what you find?”
Your finally-got-a-babysitter says, “I’m happy to babysit any time!” And you say, “That would be awesome. Would you like to set a regular schedule for every other Saturday night?”
Your friend tells you about a prepared meal delivery service she loves and offers a refer-a-friend discount code. You sign up for the dang thing for the month of October and call it a win.
Notice that accepting help is slightly different than asking for it — you are not pushy or desperate. But you’re allowing it when the opportunity appears. And strangely enough, when you start accepting, you start noticing more offers for help everywhere. A stranger asks “May I get the door for you?” when you’re carrying a kid into a store and wrangling a stroller. You say “Yes, thank you,” instead of “I’ve got it!” Sure, you could get it yourself, but this little gestures can add up to a feeling of more support and ease in your life.
The truth is, you don’t have to do it alone. And there are folks already lining up to help you. Say yes, and call it a win.
To help you picture it, I’ll share a glimpse into the roster of helpers in my life.
Our kids go to preschool in person, and just this year we now have a nanny pick them up every day to play until 5:30 when we finish working.
We have a list of trusted babysitters who regularly come for a few hours on the weekend to allow us some space.
I get ALL of my groceries delivered—from multiple stores and online outlets.
A team of ladies clean our house every week.
My FIL regularly mows our “lawn” for us when we are busy—no small feat since it takes 4 hours.
I have a business coach & mastermind, LinkedIn networking groups, and a personal board of directors cheering me on.
My longtime therapist and new somatic therapist support me emotionally with virtual meetings.
I regularly see a nutritionist and acupuncturist who help me stay on track with my physical wellness.
Over the years I’ve had multiple amazing yoga teachers and online fitness programs helping me be my best.
My dad and in-laws occasionally keep our kids overnight to give us a night out or quiet tiime at home.
My spouse pulls more than half the weight at home.
We have a constant stream of contractors working at our house.
In stressful seasons, I use a local prepared meal service to handle meals for a week at a time.
I buy bagged soil and compost, even though I live on a farm, to help fast-track my vegetable garden and fruit trees.
And I have the most amazing friends in the world who never let me doubt what I am capable of in how I choose to spend my time.
I hope this post inspires you to start accepting help when it’s offered to you. Then send me a note and let me know what that extra time made possible in your life.