Why health & wellness goals are so tough to tackle

Why are we tormented by our health and wellness goals?  The ones that feel like constantly refreshing daily to-dos, always popping back up, always inconvenient.  We muse about struggling to put ourselves first, when we know we should do better or we would feel better if we worked out.

The people who are successful—it’s because they do feel better than us.

This reminds me of the common knowledge about cilantro.  You know, some people really like it and others don’t?  Because of genetics they actually taste something different?  I think the people who like exercise have found something they love to do.  Or tapped into those fantastic endorphins I’ve never experienced.  The people who are passionate about wellness love it because they really do feel better.  And unlike cilantro, which might be a roll of the dice, most of us have access to this better taste through some experimentation and practice.  But it does take consistency, a beginner mindset, maybe some good humor, and definitely self-compassion.

There’s another adage that might help us out here, too.  That doing something over and over without better results is the definition of insanity?  So maybe trying to force yourself into a 5x/week gym habit with a job and 2 kids is not only not working, but it’s never going to work!  At least not for right now.  When something really matters to us, such as our health, we are willing to pivot over and over again until we find something that does work.  But for some reason—maybe the media, maybe some old narratives about ourselves, maybe some heavier emotional baggage—we get hung up on the Thing That Doesn’t Work.  We keep trying to force it.

Today, let me give you permission to let it go.  For now, for good, to make space for something better.  Something that will work and make you feel better.

If you hate running, friend, stop running.  If you join the gym and never go, then quit.  If you are not a morning person then 5am pilates might never happen for you.  You can give up on that thing.  But just don’t give up completely.  Be willing to try new things.  Conduct an experiment each week fiddling with it until you find something sticks.  KEEP GOING.  I give you permission to quit, but then only to immediately find something new.  On and on forever.  Be consistent in your pursuit for things that make you feel good and improve your health.  And even if you never find The Thing that makes you a workout rockstar, I bet you’ll learn a ton about yourself along the way.  (And surprise probably get a healthier too!)

There’s another silver lining in this approach.  By trying new things, we are pushing ourselves into a beginner mindset.  An opportunity for growth, in our muscles and our minds.  When we try new things it feels awkward, embarrassing, for some of us high-achiever—repellent.  Let’s be real, I only want to do things I’m good at.  Ever.  I love being an expert.  But you won’t grow if you only stay on a repetitive, self-reinforcing loop.  All of us should cross-train.  We should all try new things.  I’m not saying you have to go flip tires or do acro-yoga (unless you want to!), but being willing to be slightly uncomfortable is the only way growth happens.  And feeling better is just on the other side.

You might need a little good humor to get through those first awkward moments.  Going with a friend can help for some.  Or doing it in the privacy of your own home.  Music helps lighten the mood and reduce inhibition.  Me in step class at the work gym for the first time?  Wow, disaster.  I was fumbling and tripping and going right when they were all going left.  But I laughed and I marched in place and I blushed a little and I did it.  Me in power yoga?  Totally different experience.  Y’all, I got this.  I felt so powerful.

As I’m writing this we are still under stay-at-home orders during the covid-19 pandemic.  Many health and wellness companies are offering free trials of everything under the sun.  You have access to Peloton videos and audio at home, pilates and yoga galore, HIIT workouts from Lifetime Fitness, Barre3 blended workouts, and even guided meditations.  And it doesn’t stop there.  Self-help, wellness, better sleep, and good eating habits have been written about endlessly and are available on your kindle or through Amazon.  Try green smoothies for a week and see how you feel.  Eat salads for lunch.  Go to bed an hour earlier.  Just for a week—remember, it’s an experiment.  Or sign up for a sponsored 30-day or 90-day challenge with boosted accountability. 

Of course, friends, please take care to speak with your health care provider or a nutritionist before trying new things that may affect your health—particularly anything that presents a radical change.  Staying informed, staying smart, and staying in balance is key. For you, the best next steps may be very small changes in your day that can have a huge impact.  Drinking extra water.  Going to bed an hour earlier.  Cutting out one category of food that makes you feel icky.  Small changes can add up to big results.

Don’t forget about the importance of self-compassion.  We are all balancing a delicate web of obligations, pre-conceived notions, and sometimes physical limitations.  Being kind to ourselves, accepting and loving, is the only way toward good health.  As you would encourage a friend, encourage yourself.  You’re doing great!  You tried something new this week!  If it was hard, you’re growing!  You don’t have to do it forever.  You don’t have it to do all.  Keep trying, and you’ll feel better.  

Above all, remember to celebrate your successes and focus on how you feel rather than any other metric.  That feeling is what will bring you back tomorrow.   

There’s more to say about staying on track with health and wellness goals, which will be covered in my next post. In the meantime, I’m cheering for you!